Blogging the OC from LA

We all know that I'm excited for the return of The OC, but right now I'm a little more excited than I was 30 minutes ago, because I just decided that in the style of the Sports Guy and my friend Micah, I'm going to real-time (sort of) the season premiere, and maybe each week, if I can manage it. In fact, I'm so excited, I just took a shower to get ready for the show. I have problems.

7:46 - I have 13 or 14 minutes to figure out what I want for dinner, make it, and eat it in order to not miss anything. I'm thinking I'd like some sushi, but I don't have that, so I might just go with a sandwich or something. I'll keep you informed, of course. Back in a few.

7:58 - Tuna sandwich, slice of tomato, and a Pabst. Best I could do. No excuses.

8:00 - Previously, on The OC, some white people drink a lot and a few of them die.

8:01 - Whose white light is that, on the way into the hospital. Trey's or Ryan's?? Is somebody listening to The Beatles' Revolver spun backwards?? What's the deal. Ah, the dream sequence. Classic. Wait, did Ryan stop and get a haircut after Marissa shot Trey??

8:06 - Marissa's sunglasses look like they cost more than my car. Of course, my car's in the shop right now, so I guess that's not saying much. In other news, Rachel Bilson needs to have a breakout season. She is, other than Adam Brody, the only kid on this show with a future in acting. (I can't decide whether or not to use their real names or their characters' names. This is a real problem for me. I'm truly conflicted. I'm just going to waffle back and forth for awhile, I'll settle on one or the other eventually.)

8:09 - My name is Ben, and I am addicted to teen dramas on the Fox network. Now that I'm in Cali, maybe I should enter rehab for something. That place looks like paradise!!

8:12 - Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jimmy Cooper! Certainly one of the more enjoyable characters on the show. He's got to be legendary around Newport. Out of 5 of the main female characters on the show, he's slept with 2 of them (Julie and Haley - now starring in Reunion), kissed one of them (Kirsten - the shiksa goddess, according to show creator Josh Schwartz), and fathered another (Marissa). The only one he doesn't have some sort of connection to is Summer. Do I smell a plot twist come sweeps week?? Hopefully he'll be around that long, but as of now, Tate Donavan is still listed in the credits as a "special guest." We need him back full-time. Also, he seems to have the same view of lawyers as I do, and I am one (sort of). I like that.

8:16 - Trey just abruptly came out of his coma like something out of The Terminator. He probably has some sort of alien life form living inside of him that wants to do a lot of coke and eat everybody in Newport.

8:20 - First Reunion commercial. Awesome. I can't wait! Maybe I can enter rehab for my addiction to Fox teen dramas. AFTD. I have AFTD. It's a scientific fact.

8:21 - "That was the hospital. Trey woke up. WITH AN ALIEN LIVING INSIDE OF HIM." I made that last part up, but don't count it out just yet.

8:22 - Jerry Ryan and Kirsten Cohen, huh. Huge potential there. That would make it ok that they wrote off Alex last season. Really ok. And why the hell is Kirsten lying to Sandy about being allowed to go home?? Other than my own parents, the Keatons and the Walshes, these two are the model foundation for the stable family relationship. I do not like where this is going, unless it leads to Kirsten and Jerry Ryan in a hot tub or a jello wrestling match or something.

8:25 - Julie Cooper (who is nowhere NEAR as hot as everyone says) just brought Jimmy with her to talk to her lawyer about Caleb's will. Classy broad. Now she's flirting with the lawyer. Is it any wonder she did porn??

8:26 - BOAT TRIP!! Somebody get Cuba Gooding and Horatio Sanz on the phone, they're needed on deck. The girls are in bikinis and the dudes are in jeans. Reason number 437 why I love this show.

8:27 - Seth just made a great seaman/semen joke. I am a 10-year old. You know who you have to feel really bad for here?? The boat staff. The four of them were lying out on the deck of that huge yacht on their way out to whatever island they spent the day on. Who was sailing it?? The boat staff. The same boat staff who were probably sitting in the boat, playing cards and bitching about how those damn spoiled kids were running around the island, splashing around in the surf, and making s'mores around the campfire (And who started the fire? Probably the boat staff.) while they were just killing time until they could get them back to Newport safe and sound so they could get ready for the beginning of school. I bet they all slept with Julie Cooper. Probably at the same time.

8:30 - Julie's at the hospital. Is she going to sleep with Trey? Maybe the nurse? So many options. Wait, maybe she's going to kill Trey. Then sleep with him.

8:32 - iPod nano?? What the hell?? That thing looks so ridiculous. It looks like Ben Stiller's tiny cell phone in Zoolander.

8:36 - Ryan and Seth are watching Teen Wolf!! That is definitive proof that I would get along really well with the creator of this show.

8:37 - Julie Cooper's Guidelines to Newport Society, Rule Number 74: Mimosas are breakfast-appropriate. Thanks, Jules.

8:38 - Summer: "What does Ryan like to snack on?" Seth: "Dry cereal from the box and black coffee." Maybe that's why he's so brooding. He's ingesting way too much fiber and coffee to ever, EVER, stray too far from a toilet.

8:41 - Cops show up to arrest Ryan, but none of the kids are anywhere to be found. It's a good thing everyone always knows where to find anyone in this town. The cops showed up at the harbor just before the Fab 4 sailed off. Seriously, does anyone in Newport ever not know where someone is?? How is this possible? Are there only 12 people in Newport? Is the entire town like 4 square blocks?? Can somebody please help me figure this out??

8:46 - I don't really know what a candy striper is, but I think I might want one in my house.

8:51 - My theory is confirmed by Julie Cooper. "Marissa, you know how small this town is." Yes, Marissa knows, Julie knows, the cops know. Will somebody please explain it to me??

8:53 - Trey sneaks out of the hospital but is still buttoning his shirt when he gets to the bus?? This dude gets dressed slower than my sister.

8:54 - How did Ryan just find Trey at the bus station??

8:55 - How did Ryan just find Marissa at the lifeguard stand?? How the hell does this keep happening??

That's about all I've got tonight. I'm f'ing exhausted. In other news, I did just watch Reunion, and of course, they've still got some kinks to work out, but one more episode and I'll be hooked. I love the way they use so many songs from the year depicted in the episode. Maybe I'm hooked already. I have a real problem. AFTD. It'll get you too, if you don't watch out.