It Was a Dark and Stormy Night

I'm sitting on the couch (big surprise there, right?) watching tonight's episode of Rockstar: Supernova, and I'm waiting for the effects of my muscle relaxers to kick in. I've got this pain in my neck and shoulder that has gotten steadily worse over the past 3 or 4 days (give or take 8 years), so I went to the doctor today and he told me he thinks it's probably a pulled muscle. I'm no doctor, but I don't see how I could have pulled a muscle while doing absolutely no exercise whatsoever, but I'll take the pills he gave me for a few days and see if it gets any better.

Anyway, like I said, I'm sitting on the couch watching tonight's episode of Rockstar: Supernova, and I'm wondering why I haven't been writing regular recaps of each episode this season. I mean, I am completely obsessed with this show, and what do I enjoy writing about more than music and TV? Probably nothing. Maybe I'm not as good as the folks over at Television Without Pity, but we're less than 20 minutes into tonight's episode and a few things are jumping out at me. My comments are live, by the way. Minor edits, but if I make predictions, I'm not changing them whether I'm right or wrong. Here goes:

- Brooke Burke is pregnant?? Damn. Does that mean she's remarried? Maybe, but at the very least, it means she had sex with somebody as recently as a few months ago. In a perfect world, I'd have more details for you on that, but it's far from a perfect world.

- Dave Navarro (with new band The Panic Channel) is going to join Supernova on their upcoming tour as one of the opening bands. Also opening on the tour is the House Band (are they going to call themselves "The House Band"??), with "our favorite rockers" joining them. If there's a concert I'll be more upset to miss in 2007, I don't know what it will be, but I just don't see myself dropping what will probably be upwards of $50 a ticket for a novelty act, even one as good as this one.

- The rockers each drove to the studio today in a Honda Element. They couldn't have all ridden together? It's a freaking SUV, for crying out loud! Nice, guys. Way to cut down on gas. Like I said, it's not a perfect world. Evidently whoever gets the encore tonight also gets the car they drove up in. The other four are heading back to the dealer. I hope Lukas didn't already get makeup all over the upholstery in his car.

- My man Toby gets the encore and the car (Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh). For some reason when they announce this, Magni stands up triumphantly and raises his arms. I guess they've become friends or something. Toby dedicates it to Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. For some reason, that confuses me a bit. I was surprised he didn't dedicate it to "that random dude The crowd loves it, again.

- Storm is the first rocker in the bottom three and she sings "Wish You Were Here" rather unmemorably. Is unmemorably a word? "This one's for you, mom," she says afterward. It's like she automatically thinks she's a goner and wants to get in a shout-out to her moms in case there's not another chance.

- Dilana goes next, with her crutches that look like they were stolen from a hospital owned by Steven Tyler. She sings "I Want You to Want Me," but she's having a hard time keeping up with the "punk rock" version that she's singing while hopping around on her one good leg. Also, it sounded like she might have forgot the entire first verse.

- Lukas gets the third spot, leaving Magni and Toby (a.k.a., the clear frontrunners) to sit and watch from a safe place. He sings his original, "Head Spin," again, which is about his mother, and dedicated to his mother. Man, Dilana's mom must feel like crap. Lukas kills it, giving it a much better performance than the one he gave it last night, which was a really good one to begin with.
- If I had to guess (and if not, what am I even doing here), we're losing Storm, but I'm going to go out on a short limb and say that one of the ladies is going home tonight for sure. If it's Storm, then her kickin body and positive attitude have gotten her farther than her voice would have, and if it's Dilana, then she's had the sharpest drop in the history of sharp drops. She pretty much owned this competition for the first 4 or 5 weeks, then some other folks (Magni, Toby, Ryan) caught up, and the past 3 weeks have just been a tailspin for her.

- Lukas is safe, and the three boys are watching as the ladies take their abuse. Tommy Lee just pulled the lamest move I've seen in rock and roll when he said he can't make the decision b/c it's too hard, so he made Jason Newstead announce who's gone. Punk. Newstead axed Storm. I'm a genius.

Next week, one of these rookies is gonna get called up. I'm psyched. I gotta say that I hope Magni wins this competition, but Toby and Lukas are also pretty awesome.

Why the World Needs Dule Hill

Well, kids, Amanda's out of town for the weekend, so we all know what that means ... it's time for another TV roundup issue.

I just watched what might be the best new show that comes out all year, and the biggest surprise is that it's on the USA Network. Yes, I'm talking about Psych. Hilarious. The premise is this: a slacker with a knack for detail (James Roday) gets into some trouble with the law and lies to the cops about being a psychic. For some reason, he convinces his straight-laced friend (Dule Hill from The West Wing) to go in on the ruse with him. Hilarity ensues. I'll be back next week. If you happen to catch the pilot episode, by the way, make sure you stick around for the credits. Let's just say that Dule Hill does a mean Michael Jackson impression during some outtakes of one of the scenes. Good stuff.

Speaking of Michael Jackson, my buddy Jeremy just texted me to say that he's at Michael Jackson's father's birthday party in Las Vegas right now. We have yet to find out if he was serious, and if so, how in the hell that is possible.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't really way too excited about the new season of Rockstar. My loyal longtime readers (hi mom!) might remember my obsession with last year's installment of Rockstar: INXS. Well, that had a lot to do with the fact that I used to be a huge INXS fan (15 years ago), but it was also a really good show. Anyway, the new season of Rockstar: Supernova kicked off on Wednesday, and I'm not sure what I was doing at the time, but I managed to TiVo it, so I'm watching it right now. Brooke Burke looks as hot as ever, and Dave Navarro looks just as creepy as I remember him. The band this year is a "supergroup" (in the absolute loosest sense of the word) made up of Tommy Lee, Jason Newstead (formerly of Metallica) and Gilby Clarke (formerly of Guns 'n' Roses). They're a bunch of scrubs, to be sure (with the possible exception of Tommy Lee), but I'm excited for some good, old fashioned, hard rocking as the season progresses. Also, I'm pretty excited to see that it looks like Gilby Clarke borrowed Kirk Pengilly's wispy mustache from last season. Somebody's got to keep that thing on TV.

HOLY CRAP! I'm watching the first episode right now, and one of the contestants is Patrice Pike, who is from Austin and used to front the band Little Sister, who we used to see all the time in college. I think they might have played one of my fraternity parties. Maybe not, but I seem to remember that. Anyway, this chick rocks, and she nailed her performance. The band dug her. I hope she does well. So far, some of the performances have been rather mediocre, but I'm certainly not going to stop watching.

Another reason I'm excited about this show is that I scored two tickets for Amanda and me to go to a taping this Sunday!! I'll have to find out which night that show is going to air (Wednesday or Thursday of this week, I'm guessing), and I'll post the details. Look for us. We'll be on CBS with our Eye on America.

I'm heading to the Dodger game tomorrow with some friends. Can't pass up the chance to boo Barry Bonds in person. Here's what I think about him. Here's what MC Hammer thinks about him. You can decide for yourself which of us you agree with.

Shuffle Up and Deal

As we all know, I'm an excellent poker player, so naturally, I'm interested in all things poker. So, I'm flipping channels, looking for a Seinfeld rerun or something, and I see that the Season Premiere of Celebrity Poker Showdown is on the Bravo Network. First of all, this show gets a Season Premiere?? In May??

Anyway, evidently former co-host and professional poker player Phil Gordon is no longer a co-host of the show, which is a shame, b/c he's a really good poker player, but also a good poker teacher, and he's great at explaining things as they happen. (I recommend his "Little Green Book" if you want a good crash course in Hold 'Em.) Instead, sitting next to the guy who used to have Dave Foley's career (and now has only Celebrity Poker Showdown on the Bravo Network) is professional poker player Phil Hellmuth. Are you kidding me?? This is ridiculous. Big mistake. The guy is known even to people who don't play or watch much poker for being a huge spoiled brat, not to mention a jackass. I love to watch him play in tournaments the same way I love to watch a Jim Rome interview. You want to smack him, but he's guaranteed to piss somebody off in a really entertaining way.

Anyway, he sucks on this show. I can report that with no reservations. His whole appeal is that he antagonizes his opponents. Who's he going to piss off now other than his co-host, who is obligated to sit next to him throughout the entire show? I don't see how this can work. It's a shame, too, b/c we'd hate to lose this show if it gets cancelled. That will only leave about 47 other poker shows on cable television. Whatever will we do??

On the bright side, though, they're playing from Harrah's in New Orleans right now, and they're all playing for New Orleans-related charities. Which is nice.

Solitary Refinement

Amanda's in Germany for 2 weeks on a school trip. The last field trip I can remember taking, when I was in school, was to Marine Life in Gulfport, MS. Marine Life. We saw dolphins shoot basketballs. She's in Germany, where the furor (no pun intended ... well, maybe) over the upcoming World Cup they're hosting will probably be a really exciting subplot to a 2 week (mostly) free trip to another country. She'll probably run into a lot of excited Mavs fans as well.

Anyway, as this is a school trip, our other roommate Josh is also in Germany, which leaves me to enjoy and defend home base on my own. Needless to say, there's going to be a lot of TV watched over the next 13 days. I also need to make sure to work out every day, b/c I've gotten a bit lazy (lazier) over the past several weeks, and I'd like to look a little less like Craig Stadler by the time Amanda gets home. I got off to a good start last night, let's hope I can keep it up.

I've decided that I'm going to watch the first season of Lost while Amanda's gone. I started watching with the premiere of the second season (which ends tonight, by the way, and I couldn't be more upset), but I never saw the first season, so I don't know much of the back story, other than what I've been able to piece together. I rented the first 4 discs yesterday, and by the time I went to bed last night, I was halfway through disc 2. I should be able to knock it out with no problem, especially with a long weekend ahead of me. I think I'll document this with my thoughts on each disc, rather than each episode, otherwise we'd be here forever. Hey, I gotta keep myself busy somehow, in that apartment by myself.

Disc 1 (Episodes 100-102):
- Cool opening. Lot of carnage on the beach. Like Saving Private Ryan, but less intense, except for that poor bastard who gets sucked into the engine and causes the explosion.
- I will never get tired of the turbulence scene, no matter how many times they show it. When the plane shakes and that dude gets thrown into the roof and drops to the floor again, that's just awesome.
- That Shannon is pretty hot. Too bad I already know she dies in the second season. She's a huge bitch though.
- I already thought Locke was kind of a creepy dude, but now I'm even more convinced.
- I'm kind of upset about the fact that my favorite character on the show, Mr. Eko, doesn't show up until season two. You know those GPS things in the cars that tell you how to get where you're going? I'd like to get one with his voice. If you've seen the show, you know what I'm talking about. If not, it's a lost cause. I just want to hear him tell me things like "Turn left in 300 yards."

We had a great trip to San Francisco this past weekend. Here's a picture of us at the Golden Gate Bridge. If you want to see the whole album, leave me a comment and I'll send you the link.

Friday Night Lite

It's been awhile since I posted with any semblance of regularity, and I'm going to try to rectify that now, if for no other reason than the fact that it just gave me a good excuse to use the word "rectify."

When I first moved here, I was sitting at home all day watching TV and posting on this blog. About a month ago, I got a job, so I haven't been home with hours on end to kill in this manner. I don't really want to get in the habit of posting while I'm at work, for reasons that seem to escape some people I know, and truthfully, when I get home at night, I'm usually too tired to sit at the computer and try to think of something funny to say. I work in a law firm, it's not like I'm out fighting fires or building houses, but let's face it, I tire easily. That's a secret to no one.

This weekend, though, Amanda is in Canada and The Roommate is in Cincinnati, so I've got the house to myself, the computer to myself, and more importantly, the TV to myself. So, with a case of Diet Coke, The Roommate's newly purchased seasons 1 and 2 of The West Wing, and a Tivo box that is literally 99% full, I figured this was a GREAT opportunity to catch up on a ton of TV, mainly the shows that I've been putting off watching for some reason.

This is what I watched tonight. Friday night. Sitting in my apartment in scrubs and a sweatshirt. Please, hold your applause. Really, it's quite unnecessary.

Reunion (1 hr.)
This was last week's episode. I'll get to this week's in a bit. I learned that 1989 was a crazy year. I learned that people in Seattle wore flannel in 1989, and that the movie Hudson Hawk was supposed to be a HUGE hit. I wish I were kidding when I say that I saw that movie three times in the theater, on its opening weekend. I think I contributed to about 15-20% of its box office take. I also learned that women in 1989 used much much less hairspray than they did in 1988, at least according to the show's writers. Also, judging by this episode, the most successful music act in 1989 were the Fine Young Cannibals.

Numbers (1 hr.)
This is the single best show that I can't believe is still on TV. (This is different from the single best show that is no longer on TV, which, as of today, goes to Arrested Development. If it weren't for The OC, Reunion, Family Guy, and the Simpsons, I'd probably boycott the Fox network all together.) It doesn't really have a single quality that you would want in a hit TV show. Here's the premise: it's about an FBI agent (Fleischmann from Northern Exposure) who gets help solving crimes from his brother, who is a math teacher. Their father is Judd Hirsch. It takes place in LA, though Fleischmann inexplicably speaks with a New York accent. Also, the math teacher has a colleague who also teaches math who also helps him solve crimes for the FBI, played by Peter McNichol, who is better known as either The Biscuit from Ally McBeal or the squirrelly guy from Ghostbusters 2. An esteemed career, to be sure. This dude plays such an over the top dorky character that the only thing he's missing is a pocket protector and tape on his glasses. And glasses. Oh, and I forgot to mention that the plot of each episode is incredibly far-fetched (even more than the math teacher out-sleuthing the feds), and the dialogue is completely ridiculous. And in spite of all of this (or possibly because of all of this), I can't get enough.

Reunion (1 hr.)
This week's episode. 1990. A time of innocence, evidenced by the nanny (who may or may not be a murderer) sleeping with the abusive, newly separated adopted dad of her best friend's illegitimate baby whose real, unknowing father is an ex-con preacher (who may or may not be a murderer). Is there anything else that really needs to be said here? Ahh, the joys of Fox programming.

The O.C. (1 hr.)
Ok, we're back. THIS was a good one. It all starts with Marissa waking up in bed with Summer, which is certainly the right foot to lead with. The shameless plug for Peter Gallagher's new blues CD was, well, shameless, but that's what we LOVE about Fox programming. (Entertainment Weekly gave the CD an F, by the way. I think they were probably being generous.) This Chilly (or is it Chili, or maybe Chile?) character at Marissa's new school is awesome. Ho. Ly. Cow. Aryan Antagonist Taylor Townsend has one smokin hot mom. This show is great. I don't get the whole surfing thing, though. I mean, I get it, I understand it's a sport that people like, I just don't get it. It's like hockey. Some people like it, I guess, but I just have no use for it. At least surfing doesn't waste valuable Sports Center minutes. I'd also like to announce that I'm over the Jeri Ryan era on this show. At first it all seemed to work out, she was conniving and she wore a lot of tank tops. Now, it just seems forced. Enough already. At least give her a tank top. We haven't seen her in one since like the third episode of the season.

Numbers (1 hr.)
Man. I'm starting to feel a little fatigued, entering my 5th straight hour of TV. This one started with Fleischmann, his math teacher brother, and their over the top dorky friend playing, of all things, frisbee golf. I don't think I've played frisbee golf since I was in college. That's going to have to change. I like being outside, but I'm not going to wander around aimlessly. I like "competing," but I really like NOT exerting myself unnecessarily. Is there a better combination of the two? Well, other than actual golf, I mean. But I have a feeling frisbee golf is much, much cheaper. Seriously, how is this show still on the air and Arrested Development got the boot?? This show sucks. I love it.

I think it's probably a good idea for me to get some sleep. All this TV watching, man, I'm all tuckered out.

Oh, See

With some leftover pad thai and a diet coke, it's time to watch last night's OC.

Sandy is being REALLY tough on Ryan. He must really be missing his quality time with the honey. That whole, "You need to think of a way to get out of this hole you've dug for yourself" thing. Man! I felt like I was 13 and just missed my own Bar Mitzvah dinner. (Actually happened, by the way. It takes a special kind of person to miss their own Bar Mitzvah dinner.)

Is Jimmy Cooper on Star Trek?? What's the deal with that cell phone earpiece?? Couldn't they get him one of those Bluetooth things?

New Dean is a DICK!! And he's totally banging Taylor Thompson. Probably already, but if not, it'll happen by the time Seth decides to wear a shower curtain to Harbor High's Halloween party. New Dean will be dressed like a skeleton, and Mr. Myagi is going to kick his ass in some parking lot.

Jimmy wants to marry Julie on Saturday. Caleb's will must be read on Monday. Close. Friday. After the will was read and Julie didn't get a dime, Jimmy looked like he was trying to sneak out after a one-night stand before the girl whose name he doesn't know wakes up. (Um, not that I know what that's like.) He's such a scumbag. I almost don't feel sorry for him after seeing him get forced into Jonesy's SUV like Tom Hagen in the Godfather. "Relax, consiglieri. If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead already."

Jeri Ryan belongs on Days of Our Lives or something. I'm so impressed by her conniving-ness. Now it's time for some partial nudity. At least a bathing suit. Give me something!! I LOVE that the cabin isn't really her dad's, and that her check for the rental didn't clear. She and Jimmy must have the same banker.

Ryan and Marissa getting ready to have sex pales in comparison to Donna and David's ordeal. Call me crazy, but it's just not the same. Especially while the scenes are cut with other scenes of MILF goddess Kirsten checking into a seedy hotel with a bottle of vodka as "Mr. and Mrs. Stolichnaya," and Jimmy getting the Ralphie Treatment down by the docks. Just a bunch of weird stuff, set to the requisite indie ballad.

Damn, Jimmy got served down there. When Marissa went to see him on the boat after she woke up deflowered, his face looked, in the immortal words of Charlie Murphy (Chappelle's Show, Season 2, Bonus Disc, "I Want More" story), like a pizza. Somebody took him to the brick oven. Looked like Marcellus Wallace might have gotten his hands on him or something.

And, to be filed under "I loved this about last week's episode but forgot to mention it": I loved that Marissa was wearing a hoodie under a leather jacket when they went to crash the carnival, looking like Ryan when he first arrived in Newport, then got expelled from school on the spot. It was almost as if she was being expelled for her outfit.

Live, Baby, Live

Well, I don't know how many people really care about this (off the top of my head, I can only name 3 other people who even watch the show, not counting Amanda, who I practically held hostage every Tuesday night), but last night's season finale of Rockstar: INXS was f'ing awesome!! Of course, I was right about J.D. Fortune winning it all. Check this out. Pretty cool. And yes, I know exactly how big of a dork I am.

Also, the other day, Jeremy posted his Top 10 "Frat Pack" movies on our "Blog About Nothing." I responded today with my Top 9. They were fun to write and to read, and 100% trivial, so if you're into that, you can read his here and mine here. Enjoy.

OC Thoughts, Vol. 2

Ok, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to do another OC post this week, but dammit, I've got to mister!!! Forget that "real-time" stuff, though. Way too exhausting.

These are my thoughts on this week's episode:

1. First of all, what's the deal with Marissa?? Julie tells the principal, "You've seen my daughter. Tall, pretty, wears Chanel," then she shows up for the first day of school dressed like Joss Stone at the MTV Music awards? And why does Summer wear cowboy boots every day? I don't understand rich people.

2. Jeri Ryan and Kirsten in the cottage at Lake Arrowhead. Exactly how much are tickets to Shiksapalooza this year?

3. Jimmy Cooper is shaping up to be one world class schmuck. In the first two seasons, he was like the ultimate nice guy who had done some bad things but was genuinely trying to get his life back in order. Now he's back in town with conspicuous timing, saying things like "I left my wallet in the car, can't we just put it on Cal's tab?" CAL IS DEAD!!!

Not only that, but I'm about to make a prediction. I have no idea if this is on some website somewhere, but my prediction is that Jimmy is going to try to kill Julie. The look on his face when Julie joked about the gardener or the pool guy trying to kill her in her sleep b/c they haven't been paid since before Cal died was priceless. Of course, she couldn't pay them yet b/c she didn't have Cal's money yet. Then Jimmy re-proposes to Julie, taking her out to a dinner that he certainly can't afford (and will probably have her pay for anyway)?? No sir, he's going to marry her, then when she gets Cal's money, he's gonna bump her off, or at least try to bump her off. You heard it here first.

4. This new dean is like the devil incarnate. I don't even know what incarnate really means, but I've heard it used in that context before. In the context of new deans. Actually, I can't remember what that new dean's name is, so we're going to call him New Dean. This dude is pure evil. He reminds me of that Nicolae Carpathia from the Left Behind series. (Yeah, I read them. All of them. I know. I'm Jewish. Whatever, it's a good story) Anyway, where the hell did he come from, and why does he hate Marissa and Ryan so much if he's only been in town for a few weeks?? He's got a shady past, it's a guarantee. We'll find out more about it probably in episode 4 or 5.

Anyway, I actually cheered out loud when Ryan punched him in the face at the carnival. (And the answer is yes, I know exactly how ridiculous that last sentence sounds.) Here's another prediction. They should have ended the show with Don't Stand So Close To Me '86, by the Police, b/c that New Dean is going to be shagging new Aryan Antagonist Taylor Thompson before the kids get off for Christmas Vacation.

The best possible thing that could come out of this New Dean so furiously pursuing Marissa and Ryan's expulsion would be for Seth and Summer leading the entire Harbor High School student body in a chant of, say it with me, MARISSA COOPER GRADUATES!!!

One thing that sort of slipped past me last week was this: The cops are dead-set on busting Ryan for shooting Trey, then Trey comes out of his coma and Julie pays him off to frame Ryan for it, then Trey changes his story and signs an affidavit for the cops saying it was Marissa, then he immediately skips town, and the cops are ok with this?? There's no further investigation?? Of all the things that are ridiculous about this show, this one really bothers me.

Blogging the OC from LA

We all know that I'm excited for the return of The OC, but right now I'm a little more excited than I was 30 minutes ago, because I just decided that in the style of the Sports Guy and my friend Micah, I'm going to real-time (sort of) the season premiere, and maybe each week, if I can manage it. In fact, I'm so excited, I just took a shower to get ready for the show. I have problems.

7:46 - I have 13 or 14 minutes to figure out what I want for dinner, make it, and eat it in order to not miss anything. I'm thinking I'd like some sushi, but I don't have that, so I might just go with a sandwich or something. I'll keep you informed, of course. Back in a few.

7:58 - Tuna sandwich, slice of tomato, and a Pabst. Best I could do. No excuses.

8:00 - Previously, on The OC, some white people drink a lot and a few of them die.

8:01 - Whose white light is that, on the way into the hospital. Trey's or Ryan's?? Is somebody listening to The Beatles' Revolver spun backwards?? What's the deal. Ah, the dream sequence. Classic. Wait, did Ryan stop and get a haircut after Marissa shot Trey??

8:06 - Marissa's sunglasses look like they cost more than my car. Of course, my car's in the shop right now, so I guess that's not saying much. In other news, Rachel Bilson needs to have a breakout season. She is, other than Adam Brody, the only kid on this show with a future in acting. (I can't decide whether or not to use their real names or their characters' names. This is a real problem for me. I'm truly conflicted. I'm just going to waffle back and forth for awhile, I'll settle on one or the other eventually.)

8:09 - My name is Ben, and I am addicted to teen dramas on the Fox network. Now that I'm in Cali, maybe I should enter rehab for something. That place looks like paradise!!

8:12 - Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jimmy Cooper! Certainly one of the more enjoyable characters on the show. He's got to be legendary around Newport. Out of 5 of the main female characters on the show, he's slept with 2 of them (Julie and Haley - now starring in Reunion), kissed one of them (Kirsten - the shiksa goddess, according to show creator Josh Schwartz), and fathered another (Marissa). The only one he doesn't have some sort of connection to is Summer. Do I smell a plot twist come sweeps week?? Hopefully he'll be around that long, but as of now, Tate Donavan is still listed in the credits as a "special guest." We need him back full-time. Also, he seems to have the same view of lawyers as I do, and I am one (sort of). I like that.

8:16 - Trey just abruptly came out of his coma like something out of The Terminator. He probably has some sort of alien life form living inside of him that wants to do a lot of coke and eat everybody in Newport.

8:20 - First Reunion commercial. Awesome. I can't wait! Maybe I can enter rehab for my addiction to Fox teen dramas. AFTD. I have AFTD. It's a scientific fact.

8:21 - "That was the hospital. Trey woke up. WITH AN ALIEN LIVING INSIDE OF HIM." I made that last part up, but don't count it out just yet.

8:22 - Jerry Ryan and Kirsten Cohen, huh. Huge potential there. That would make it ok that they wrote off Alex last season. Really ok. And why the hell is Kirsten lying to Sandy about being allowed to go home?? Other than my own parents, the Keatons and the Walshes, these two are the model foundation for the stable family relationship. I do not like where this is going, unless it leads to Kirsten and Jerry Ryan in a hot tub or a jello wrestling match or something.

8:25 - Julie Cooper (who is nowhere NEAR as hot as everyone says) just brought Jimmy with her to talk to her lawyer about Caleb's will. Classy broad. Now she's flirting with the lawyer. Is it any wonder she did porn??

8:26 - BOAT TRIP!! Somebody get Cuba Gooding and Horatio Sanz on the phone, they're needed on deck. The girls are in bikinis and the dudes are in jeans. Reason number 437 why I love this show.

8:27 - Seth just made a great seaman/semen joke. I am a 10-year old. You know who you have to feel really bad for here?? The boat staff. The four of them were lying out on the deck of that huge yacht on their way out to whatever island they spent the day on. Who was sailing it?? The boat staff. The same boat staff who were probably sitting in the boat, playing cards and bitching about how those damn spoiled kids were running around the island, splashing around in the surf, and making s'mores around the campfire (And who started the fire? Probably the boat staff.) while they were just killing time until they could get them back to Newport safe and sound so they could get ready for the beginning of school. I bet they all slept with Julie Cooper. Probably at the same time.

8:30 - Julie's at the hospital. Is she going to sleep with Trey? Maybe the nurse? So many options. Wait, maybe she's going to kill Trey. Then sleep with him.

8:32 - iPod nano?? What the hell?? That thing looks so ridiculous. It looks like Ben Stiller's tiny cell phone in Zoolander.

8:36 - Ryan and Seth are watching Teen Wolf!! That is definitive proof that I would get along really well with the creator of this show.

8:37 - Julie Cooper's Guidelines to Newport Society, Rule Number 74: Mimosas are breakfast-appropriate. Thanks, Jules.

8:38 - Summer: "What does Ryan like to snack on?" Seth: "Dry cereal from the box and black coffee." Maybe that's why he's so brooding. He's ingesting way too much fiber and coffee to ever, EVER, stray too far from a toilet.

8:41 - Cops show up to arrest Ryan, but none of the kids are anywhere to be found. It's a good thing everyone always knows where to find anyone in this town. The cops showed up at the harbor just before the Fab 4 sailed off. Seriously, does anyone in Newport ever not know where someone is?? How is this possible? Are there only 12 people in Newport? Is the entire town like 4 square blocks?? Can somebody please help me figure this out??

8:46 - I don't really know what a candy striper is, but I think I might want one in my house.

8:51 - My theory is confirmed by Julie Cooper. "Marissa, you know how small this town is." Yes, Marissa knows, Julie knows, the cops know. Will somebody please explain it to me??

8:53 - Trey sneaks out of the hospital but is still buttoning his shirt when he gets to the bus?? This dude gets dressed slower than my sister.

8:54 - How did Ryan just find Trey at the bus station??

8:55 - How did Ryan just find Marissa at the lifeguard stand?? How the hell does this keep happening??

That's about all I've got tonight. I'm f'ing exhausted. In other news, I did just watch Reunion, and of course, they've still got some kinks to work out, but one more episode and I'll be hooked. I love the way they use so many songs from the year depicted in the episode. Maybe I'm hooked already. I have a real problem. AFTD. It'll get you too, if you don't watch out.

Thursday Night Lights

So, today has been pretty rough. My car died on the way to the shop this morning, and I had to call Triple-A to have it towed 5 blocks. Still no word on how much this fiasco's going to cost me, or when I'll get it back. Then I found out that, while my conflict inquiry cleared with flying colors, the job that was going to start on Monday is on hold indefinitely. Hopefully they'll come to their senses soon and bring me in.

Then I went to get a haircut, and the barber was this Russian Jewish guy, and when he was cleaning up around my neck, and I asked him if he'd shave just a little under the t-shirt line, he looks at me and says, "Getting older. Hair grow everywhere." Then he starts laughing. Thanks dude, you're a real pal. The guy couldn't have been a year or two older than I am, but I didn't have the heart to tell him that this has nothing to do with getting older, and that my summer coat started growing in back in high school. Bastard.

And if that didn't wreck my day enough, I went out for a run and my new running shoes, which my feet are evidently not quite used to, rubbed the back of my left foot raw and it started to bleed. So, I walked home, wincing with every step, and turned on the TV.

TV. Thanks to TV, my day just got better. Right now I'm flipping back and forth like a madman between two channels. On the first, the Raiders at the Pats, opening game of the NFL season. I've got Brady, Dillon, Vinatieri AND Randy Moss on my fantasy squad, The Los Angeles Straphangers of Jackson. This week I'm playing Briley, who drafted Peyton Manning with his #1 pick, then proceeded to draft the rest of the Colts team. Go Ravens. On the second, the Sox are losing to the Angels, which is somewhat painful to watch, but whatever, as long as the Yankees lose, right?

Not only am I flipping back and forth between both channels, I'm also toggling back and forth between 3 different websites. Wireless internet has got to be the greatest invention of the past 20 years, aside from the iPod. I've got my fantasy football league homepage open in one window, CBS Sportsline open in another for baseball stats on the Sox game, and I'm writing this post. I'm also carrying on two conversations over instant messenger. This being my first real experience combining the wireless internet with the TV watching, I have to say that I'm a huge fan, and I look forward to many happy years of watching sports and surfing the web at the same time.

Sports are great, I love sports. However, sports aren't even the main event tonight. The Sox are on TV, and the NFL is finally back in season, and neither of them are the main event. What is, you may ask? Sing it with me. California, here we come, right back where we started from. That's right, The OC is back!! Season premiere tonight at 8. Best part about living on the Left Coast is that the football game started at 6:00 here, so I can watch most of it before The OC starts. Early sports open so many doors.

The Sports Guy had a great article today, an exchange of emails back and forth with Josh Schwartz, the creator of The OC. You can read it here. Asks some great questions, and gets some great answers. Very enjoyable.

I can not wait for The OC tonight. I'm also pretty excited about Reunion, a new show that premieres after that. All in all, this Thursday afternoon is leading into a great Thursday evening. I hope our cable bill is paid up.

Rock Star: INXS Update

Well, I missed last night's show but just read the recap on the web. Looks like I was right that Jessica would be in the Bottom 3, and I was also right that Brandon was a goner. We'll see what happens next week - they're going all acoustic. Should be interesting.

Also happy to realize that I only missed the first 3 episodes of the season. I thought it was more.

Obviously, not much to say today.

Every Single One of Us Is a Devil Inside

(listening to: Devil Inside, INXS)

(note, even though it's currently Wednesday afternoon, I'm posting this as of last night, since that's when I wrote it but couldn't get in front of a computer until now.)

I don't know if anyone out there is watching CBS's Rock Star: INXS show, but I just discovered it last week and it's killing me that I missed the first half of the season. Now, we all know that I'm not really one for exaggeration, but this could be one of the best reality shows of all time, behind The Real World, MTV Cribs and Nick & Jessica: Newlyweds.

Here's the premise. Most everyone knows that back in 1997, Michael Hutchence, INXS's then lead singer, died under somewhat mysterious circumstances. He either hung himself intentionally or hung himself accidentally in the middle of a little self-gratification. Anyway, the band's been dormant for 8 years, and now they're ready to get back in the game, but they're without a frontman. So, they did what any cred-obsessed rock band would do, they got their own reality show. It was my skepticism, based on this ridiculous notion, that prevented me from watching until I caught it by accident last week. Damn you, skepticism!!

Every Tuesday, each contestant performs a song with the house band (who kicks ass, by the way, but why do they need a house band when INXS is sitting comfortably not 20 feet away??), then the viewing audience gets to call in and vote for their favorite. It's like American Idol, but with a point, and more talent, and a refreshing lack of Ryan Seacrest. Instead, we get Brooke Burke. That's like getting Roger Clemens to take the mound and only having to give up Mark Grace, a career first baseman who once pitched in a game because the bullpen was depleted, and even he couldn't get through the inning without laughing. As an added bonus, last night, Brooke's skirt was so short it was practically a belt. Ouch!

So, after the votes are tallied, everyone reassembles for Wednesday's show, where instead of just sending someone back to their job at Barnes & Noble, the "Bottom 3" vote getters have one last chance at redemption by singing an INXS song that the band has chosen for them. Neat little twist, actually. Gives the show some purpose. After the 3 performances, the band arbitrarily ends someone's dreams of stardon.

It might not sound like much, but it just works. Trust me.

I can't decide who's more interesting, though, the contestants or INXS, with co-host Dave Navarro. That part's kind of random, but adds an immeasurable amount of hilarity to the show. Let's do the contestants first.

Since I missed the first half of the season, I only know about who's left. I'm not going to bore you by talking about each one. I do, however, want to say that one of them, Jessica, is smoking hot and dresses like Lucy Lawless's understudy on Xena Warrior Princess. Unfortunately, she can't sing worth a damn. Actually, she can sing ok, but she stands motionless on stage like her soul has been eaten by the shiny demon in that Tenacious D song (AND WE SAID NAY, WE ARE BUT MEN!). She's been in the Bottom 3 for 2 of the past 3 weeks, and she'll probably be there again this week. Good looks will only get you so far, and she's definitely along for the ride.

The real talents on the show are J.D. Fortune (is that a great name, or what) and Jordice (something, don't know her last name). My prediction is that it comes down to the two of them, with J.D. ultimately winning because he's a man, even though Jordice is a more talented singer. I don't say that to be sexist, I just think that INXS is going to snag a dude on this deal, that's all.

Speaking of INXS, my favorite part of the show (without taking anything away from the truly talented performances) is when the band and Reality Show Staple Dave Navarro (of 'Till Death Do Us Part: Carmen and Dave and Bravo's Celebrity Poker Showdown - look for him on VH1's The Surreal Life 17 in a couple of years, I just have a hunch on this one.) gives each contestant their post-performance critique. I like this for many reasons, not the least of which is that they are all sitting on thrones. If these guys are music royalty, they must reign over the rock and roll equivalent of France. I'm just saying. Secondly, I love that most of INXS wears their sunglasses indoors. I thought only Bono and Stevie Wonder could get away with that. The bass player's name is Garry Beers - a classic rock and roll name. And Kirk Pengilly, the band's saxophone/guitarist, has a hilarious wispy little mustache and soul patch that makes him look like one of those toys you can buy for a dollar with the iron filings that you arrange on the guy's face with the little magnet stick? Somebody's got to know what I'm talking about, right?? Anybody??

When they're critiquing each performance, they're all very careful not to be too harsh - the anti-Simon Cowells - and Dave Navarro invariably tells each girl how hot she looks and how much hotter she is looking from week to week. Maybe Carmen Electra told him to bring home a little treat for mommy. With the guys, he always ends up thanking them for some reason. It's very strange. Thank you for taking a risk with your song selection, thanks for giving it your all out there, thank you for helping me stay in the spotlight just a little bit longer.

Bottom line is this: this show has some star power (INXS, Dave Navarro-Electra, and the hottest woman on Earth in Brooke Burke), a practical purpose (finding INXS a new lead singer to save them from obscurity), and actual talent. The one reality TV show quality it doesn't have is unnecessary drama. No one's fighting with each other or trashing anyone behind their backs, and not only that, they all seem to be openly rooting for each other to win the contest, rather than mouthing off and singing their own praises. They get up and rock out during each other's performances, they hold hands and dance together, and they actually look genuinely upset when their friends get announced in the Bottom 3. All except for Brandon, who is a showman but not much of a singer, and I'm predicting that he's a goner tomorrow night.

I hate that I missed the first half of this season, but I'm worried that, since this is a reality show, they'll feel the need to beat this dead horse season after season with new bands. Next year's Rock Star will be Alice in Chains looking for Layne Staley's replacement, followed by Rock Star: Blind Melon trying to find the next ShannonHoon. As long as we don't have to suffer through Rock Star: Digital Underground so the "Humpty Dance" guy can replace Tupac Shakur and finally move out of his mother's basement, then I guess we'll be ok.