Bob Dylan Probably Also Wrote the Bible

This is just too damn funny not to post.

The Biggest Douchebag Ever

Slightly edging out Karl Rove and the guy who lives next door to me (I swear if you bang on the wall again, I'm going to put you through it - I do NOT slam the door!!), Barry Bonds has done more in recent years to cement his legacy as a douchebag than anyone I can think of. I went to a San Francisco Giants game at Dodger Stadium last summer for the sole purpose of booing him as loudly as I could, and hoping to start up a "Barry Sucks!" chant (and, b/c I was offered a free ticket), but he didn't play. Though that is not the reason I consider him a douchebag.

Barry Bonds might have gone down in history as one of the greatest hitters ever to play the game. He might have been in the top 10 in home runs hit, and he might have been remembered as an 8-time Gold Glove winner, 7-time MVP, and 13-time All-Star. A clearer path to Cooperstown could not be imagined. But none of that was good enough, so he decided the physical size of his head should more closely resemble the size of his ego (See photo at right - that thing's got it's own gravitational pull. HEED! PAPER, NOW!!).

Instead, he will be remembered as a douchebag. A stain on the National Pasttime. A liar, a cheater, and a miserable, miserable human being. If I were Bud Selig (who's a decent douchebag in his own right), I would see to it that Barry Bonds were banned from Major League Baseball, and I would remove his statistics since the 1998 season (when steroid dealer Greg Anderson became his trainer) from all record books.

Other than all of those other reasons I think Bonds is a stain, a liar, a cheater, and a miserable human being - and a douchebag - I just added another one to the list. HE'S A DOUCHEBAG. Ok, to be fair, that's not really a reason, but I have new support for my opinion. According to the Associated Press, Bonds failed a test for amphetamines in 2006, and when he learned of the test results, he blamed it on something he took from teammate Mark Sweeney's locker.

HE BLAMED HIS POSITIVE TEST FOR AMPHETAMINES ON SOMETHING HE TOOK FROM A TEAMMATE'S LOCKER.

Is there a bigger douchebag thing to do? Maybe if he then went over to Sweeney's house and took a dump in the middle of his living room, but short of that, I'm not sure there is. The thing that jumps right out at me, and I can't believe I haven't seen this angle in any of the articles I've read on the subject today, is this: If he took it from Mark Sweeney's locker, he is implying one of two things. Either he asked Mark Sweeney for amphetamines (which proves his intent to take amphetamines), or he stole something from his teammate. Now, let's assume he didn't ask Mark Sweeney for amphetamines. We're left with Barry Bonds: Thief. He either stole the drugs from Sweeney's locker thinking they were something completely legal and legitimate (in which case - WHY STEAL THEM??), or he stole them knowing they were illegal and not legitimate (in which case - YOU'RE A DOUCHEBAG!!).

I don't understand why the San Fransisco Giants and Major League Baseball, and fans of both institutions, are willing to put up with this kind of behavior and utter contempt for the high regard most of us still have for the game of baseball. If Keyshawn Johnson and Terrell Owens can get sent home for the remainder of a football season for merely being hard to deal with, yet breaking no laws or league rules, then Barry needs to go. If for no other reason than we do not need douchebags like him continuing to ruin baseball.

I've just used the word douchebag 10 times (11, if you count this sentence), and I don't feel that I've even come close to expressing how much I hate that Barry Bonds is still a part of baseball and society in general.

Jan. 12 Update - Bonds now claims he did not take anything from Mark Sweeney's locker. This is just another reason he's a douchebag - ruining a perfectly good blog post about what a douchebag he is, only one day after it is written.

Sun, Sun, Sun

The sun is shining a little brighter today. Amanda got back yesterday after three and a half weeks in Israel, and it was not a moment too soon. I mean that not in the "I missed her like hell" sense (which I did), but more in the "I was approaching the point of forgetting to put on socks in the morning" sense. Something happens when she goes away for more than a day or two, where the part of me that is marginally responsible decides to close up shop and go off the grid for awhile.

Anyway, in honor of her return, here are some sun songs to go listen to.

Good Day, Sunshine - The Beatles
Sun, Sun, Sun - The Elected
Sun Comes Up, It's Tuesday Morning - Cowboy Junkies
Sunshine of Your Love - Cream
House of the Rising Sun - The Animals
Staring at the Sun - U2
Sun Is Shining - Bob Marley
Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves (not Martika, as some people think)

Welcome home, Sunshine.

Listening Back, Vol. 2

After I got home from work tonight, I decided to walk to Walgreens. It was a beautiful, brisk night, and I thought if nothing else, I'd enjoy some fresh air after spending all day downtown. And then I saw a guy pissing between two dumpsters in the alley behind my apartment complex.

Anyway, I finished packing (almost) and I'm taking this last opportunity to sit in front of a computer until 2007 to give you my top albums of 2006.

My Top Ten Albums of 2006:
10. Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam. I really liked this album when it came out (possibly because of the avocado on the cover). I haven't listened to it much since the summer, but that doesn't mean I didn't like it better than some of the albums in the "Honorable Mention" group below. I think it's probably their 4th best album, and the best thing they've put out since Vitalogy. Man, these guys made their debut when I was in high school and they made their three best albums before I graduated. It's almost a wonder they're still around, but they're just that good of a band.

9. The Damnwells - Air Stereo. I downloaded a couple of songs from this album ("Louisville" and "Heartbreak List"), and the strength of those two songs was enough for me to head over to Amoeba and buy the CD. I don't know much about the band, and since they don't have an entry in Wikipedia, I'm not likely to learn anytime soon. I can tell you that the opener of this album is a love song called "I Got You," in which the singer cleverly uses the titles of other songs ("More Than a Feeling" and "Radar Love," to name a few) in professing his love for whoever he might be singing to. It's like a mix tape, kind of, that you might give a girl you like in high school. Except instead of putting those songs on a tape, you put them into a song that you then put on your album. Rock stars just get to be so much cooler than the rest of us. If I did that, I'd probably get shipped for plagarism, that is, if anyone ever heard it in the first place.

8. The Raconteurs - Broken Boy Soldiers. This is Jack White's new band, presumably because he got tired of doing EVERYTHING by himself in the White Stripes, short of banging aimlessly (but adorably) on the drums. So he teams up with Brendan Benson and two other dudes and effortlessly churns out some power rock. The whole album is recognizable, even if you haven't heard the songs before. That's a good quality for a song. But they're not the White Stripes, and that's a shame. One morning I was listening to this album on my way to work and I thought they sounded a whole lot like Rush. I listened to "Chronicles" 3 times in a row and decided two things. First, they DO sound a whole lot like Rush. Second, they're not Rush either. And that's also a shame.

7. Bruce Springsteen - We Shall Overcome (The Seeger Sessions). Leave it to the coolest mother left on the planet to ditch his own band (with their blessing, no less) and hit one out of the park with a bunch of covers of folk songs. By all accounts ("all" meaning the two friends I know who saw him in concert on this tour), the shows are just electric. Dad loves it, too, which sure makes riding in The Vic (Dad's got a Ford Crown Victoria. That nickname, "The Vic," it was born about 5 seconds ago. Any good?) a little easier. Just pure, unabashed, hand-clapping, foot-stomping fun.

6. Sufjan Stevens - The Avalanche. This is an album of also-rans, basically. It's made up of songs that came from the recording of his previous album, "Illinois," that didn't make the final cut. Call them rarities, b-sides, whatever you want. They're good, but there's a reason they didn't make it. I don't want to bash this guy though, because he is abso-f'ing-lutely one of the most musically talented individuals I have ever had the privilege to see in concert. We saw him at the Wiltern back in October, and it was just amazing. He has a whole orchestra, practically, on stage with him, everybody in costumes and performing these masterfully written pop songs, but they're more than that - they're soothing and smart and, this is going to be a strange thing to say and I mean this in the absolute best way possible, but this guy makes the kind of music that they should play during state executions, because there CANNOT be a better way to go.

5. The Minus 5 - The Minus 5 (The Trials Posthumous of The Minus 5). The closest thing to an indie-rock supergroup, this band is made up of, at times (b/c they come and go as they please), members of R.E.M., Wilco, the Decemberists, and many other solo musicians and producers. This is the only album of theirs that I have, though "Down With Wilco" is one that I'd like to check out. Every song on this album fits into sort of a death motif. The opening track, "Rifle Called Goodbye," is unapologetically Beatles-esque, and "Cemetery Row," sung by The Decemberists' Colin Meloy is, in my opinion, the best the album has to offer. Unfortunately, because they are inherently a side project, they don't leave much expectation of a tour or any regularity with regard to future albums.

4. Band of Horses - Everything All the Time. Band of Horses was primed to be the next huge thing in indie rock. By that, I mean they were all over the blogs like chicken pox. Unfortunately, they evidently don't put on a very good live show. That'll hurt you. I didn't see them in concert, but I did have a ticket to see them with Jeremy before I realized the concert was on Yom Kippur. Damn religious convictions!! Anyway, I did download a live show of theirs, and I will say that I don't think it's as good as the studio album. The album is excellent, though, and I've been listening to it a lot in recent weeks. The band's sound isn't the most original, though, which also probably hurt them a bit. They sound kind of like The Shins crossed with post-grunge Seattle rock. Well, actually, that does seem sort of original. I guess I can't trash them too much; I've got them ranked #4! They must be doing something right. "Funeral" is a leading candidate for song of the year on many lists I've seen, and it would definitely be in my top ten, were I putting together such a list, which at this point, I am not.

3. The Elected - Sun, Sun, Sun. I cannot say enough good things about this album. The only reason I didn't put it at #2 is that I have only heard the first half of it (though I have been promised the second half by a friend). The songs on this album are so well written, both lyrically and musically. The originality in the arrangements of the songs is probably a big reason I like it so much, but I know absolutely nothing about music theory, so anything I try to say here is just going to come out like "awesome, awesome, awesome, awesome ..." before I start drooling all over myself, so I'm just going to say this: no matter what type of music you listen to (unless all you listen to is hardcore gangsta rap or smooth jazz - I HATE smooth jazz), you WILL like this album, so go and get it immediately. Of all the albums on this list, this is the one I'm most excited about force-feeding my parents on our drive from Houston to New Orleans tomorrow.

2. Belle & Sebastian - The Life Pursuit. As my friend Neola put it, this is the mature side of Belle & Sebastian. My take is that their previous albums had a lot of upbeat songs that made you want to dance while not realizing that they were possibly the most depressing lyrics you've ever heard. This album is not like that. Quite the contrary, the songs are more low-key (less dance-poppy - is that a real word?) and not nearly as depressing. This is the CD that's in my car at all times for whenever I might forget my iPod (which, if you know me, you'll not be surprised to learn is incredibly rarely), and I don't know of a greater endorsement I can give. This album gave me back-to-back-to-back favorites from the band in tracks 3-5 ("White Collar Boy," "The Blues Are Still Blue," and "Dress Up In You"). It's like the Manny-Big Papi-Varitek heart of the Red Sox batting order. When you see them coming up, you just don't worry about what's going to happen next because you know it's going to be ok.

1. The Decemberists - The Crane Wife. I knew this was going to be my favorite album of the year as soon as I listened to it after downloading it illegally. Just kidding (but about which part??). I've probably listened to more of this band in the past year than most other bands, and I've probably listened to this album more than any other album that came out this year, even though it's only been out for about two months. They've definitely cemented their status in my favorite bands of the past decade. The album, partially based on a Japanese folk tale, opens with an upbeat, spirited song about a man who loses his wife. Who may or may not be a crane. The bird. Anyway, it weaves its way through some other subject matter (kidnapping, murder, forbidden love, war, and child-killing butchers) before coming full circle and reintroducing us to this man before he meets his wife, who may or may not be a crane. We witness his despair, we see them find each other, and we see their happiness together, all the while knowing he's just going to lose her at some point in the future. I know it probably sounds very strange if you haven't heard it, and if so, I'm sorry I can't do a better job of describing it, but you're going to have to take my word for it, this album is complete and it is worth every penny, illegally downloaded or not.

Honorable Mention
Tom Petty - Highway Companion A really good album. I think this is the only album I have ever bought from iTunes in its entirety. Closer than any other to crack the Top 10, probably in place of Pearl Jam.
The Flaming Lips - At War With the Mystics
Editors - The Back Room
Islands - Return to the Sea
Johnny Cash - Personal File
Jeff Tweedy - Sunken Treasure A live album, which I try not to rank with the rest. Also, the album is only part of the DVD of his concert footage. Now, as much as I loved seeing him on this tour, and watching the DVD, and listening to the accompanying CD, I just can't in good conscience put it into the Top 10 studio recordings. I have nothing if I don't have my ethics, you know.
Neko Case - Fox Confessor Brings the Flood. Maybe it's unfair, but I'm ranking this album low because I liked "Blacklisted" better. I don't know why I'm doing that, but if you disagree, you can either leave me a comment or get your own damn blog. Neko's got one of the most powerful voices in music. It's very soft and comforting, like a warm blanket, but it sounds like it needs absolutely no warmup, no running start, like it can just take off like a bullet from a gun. I just didn't like it as much as "Blacklisted."

Disappointments
Jay-Z - Kingdom Come (Still my favorite rapper of all time, but man, he should have stayed retired. Instead, true to his word, he "came back like Jordan, wearing the 45". Jordan should also have stayed retired.)
Thom Yorke - The Eraser (I don't know why I expected to like this album. As good as Radiohead is, I haven't liked anything they've put out since their third album.)

Probably would have liked a lot if I had listened to:
Bob Dylan - Modern Times
Neil Young - Living With War
The Killers - Sam's Town

Ever Since the Fire Went Out

Pretty excited to be heading back to Mississippi this weekend, for a friend's wedding. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a flight to Jackson or to New Orleans that I could afford, so instead I'm flying to Houston and driving over with the folks. We're stopping in New Orleans so we can check out a few rehearsal dinner options on Friday morning, and I'm also going to get to meet Alan's baby girl, who is supposed to make her debut tomorrow. We'll keep our fingers crossed.

When I made my plane reservations, I decided to fly back to LA on the 2nd, so that I'd be sure not to miss the Fiesta Bowl, which, at the time, was where the Longhorns were supposed to be playing. That was before we dropped two in a row to Kansas State and Texas A&M, dropping us to #4 in the Big 12. Instead, we're playing in the Alamo Bowl on the 30th. So, not only will I not be watching Texas in a BCS bowl on the 2nd, but I won't be watching them in a crappy bowl on the 30th either, because we'll be at the wedding during the game. Those bastards. That sentence is equally applicable to the Horns and to Hannah and Will for scheduling their wedding during the bowl game.

I Just Can't Help Myself

I realize I'm doing a pretty poor job of keeping this blog from turning into a Vince Young fan site, but check out ESPN's top sports moment of 2006. As if there was ever any doubt.

Also, I'm pretty excited that my Hanukkah gift to myself arrived today.

Happy Holidays.

Experiencing Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By

So, I decided it was high time I update this here blog, but when I signed into Blogger today, they had all of these new features and I had to link my Blogger account to my Google account (just another way for The Man to keep track of me), then I was prompted to update my template so that it would be compatible with the new features, but when I did that I lost most of the customizations I had made to the site.

I realize that was an egregious run-on sentence.

Anyway, I'm working on getting this thing back up to speed, so please bear with me. Until then, please enjoy this picture. The guy just wins football games, it's that simple.

Update - One of the unexpected changes was the disappearance of the comments on each post. I'm working on it.

2nd update - I just can't figure out how to recover all of the old comments. Oh, well. On a positive note, I can now assign labels, or tags, to each post. Now, if anybody really wants to see all of the posts on this blog that have to do with music, or Vince Young (VY, to those who may or may not have some sort of non-sexual man-crush on him), or LA, they can just click on the label in the list on the right side of the page. I think that's pretty cool.

And for the record, I did not intend for my blog to be decked out in Tennessee Titans colors. I promise. I'm working on that, b/c I like these colors, and I'm certainly not against being a HUGE fan of VY, but I'm not trying to design my blog around his team's colors.

3rd update - Screw it. I like these colors.

4th update - Regarding the aforementioned labels, or tags, I'm going back through all of the old posts on this blog in order to tag them. It's not going to happen overnight, but I'll get to them soon.

FAMIMA!!

Things just got a tiny bit more awesome in my daily grind. I don't know if you've ever been to a Famima!! (it comes with the punctuation, like Yahoo!), but until the other day, I hadn't. I'd seen them here and there, and I'd gazed into them like I was looking upon the Holy Grail, but never gone in. Well, one just opened across the street from my office a few days ago, and let me tell you (and this is going to sound SO ridiculous), it's the best convenience store I've ever been in. If you get as excited about trivial crap as I do, then get yourself into a Famima!! as soon as possible.

In other news, at Ralph's on Tuesday night, I decided to eschew my normal purchase of "brown sugar and cinnamon" flavored oatmeal for a new "cinnamon roll" flavor. My thinking was that I love cinnamon rolls, so how could this really go wrong. Yikes. I couldn't even eat 3 bites of it, and now I've got 9 more packs of it to either waste or force myself through before I can start fresh with the old standby. I'll tell you, sometimes life's tough.

No-Talent Ass Clown at the Kodak Theater

Something has gone seriously wrong when I'm automatically getting emails like this one.

These Are the Days of Miracle and Wonder

Amanda and I scored some last minute tickets to see Paul Simon with Josh and Sarah last night at the Greek Theater in Griffith Park. I listened to his newest cd, "Surprise," a couple of times yesterday, and I have to say I wasn't too impressed, but hey, it's Paul Simon, could it possibly be a bad idea to go see him in concert? Turns out it wasn't.

The show was great, he played 3 songs off the new cd and the rest were classics, including a large handful from the S&G era. He even came out for three encores! Unfortunately, I forgot my little notebook where I write the setlists down, so I had to (nerd alert!) keep sending myself text messages from my cell phone in order to get the whole list. I do it for you, really. This is what I got to enjoy last night while trying not to get sicker than I already am.

Paul Simon, Greek Theater
Gumboots
Boy in the Bubble
Outrageous
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
Slip Sliding Away
You're the One
Me and Julio Down By the Schoolyard
How Can You Live in the Northeast
Mrs. Robinson
Loves Me Like a Rock
That Was Your Mother
Duncan
Graceland
Father & Daughter
Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes
The Only Living Boy in New York
Cecilia
Encore:
Call Me Al
Still Crazy After All These Years
The Boxer
Second Encore:
Wartime Prayers
Bridge Over Troubled Water
Third Encore:
Late in the Evening