Selling Out, Volume Two

Recognize this guy?



No? Maybe you remember how he used to look. Before he sold his soul to the devil.



Yeah, Johnny Damon rejected the offer of salary arbitration from the Red Sox, his beloved team, his band of merry idiots, not to mention the town that deified him, gave him ultimate superstar status, and signed with the New York Yankees. The Evil Empire. The pricks in the pinstripes. Now, there's nothing wrong with what the Yankees did here (other than the fact that they did it while lighting their cigars with $1,000 bills after killing a bunch of puppies). They signed a guy who hits like a son of a bitch and can run pretty fast. He's probably the premiere lead-off man in major league baseball. Hell, they could afford him, why not go for it?? Who did they have playing center as of 3 days ago? Bernie Williams. Now, I like Bernie Williams. I have always liked Bernie Williams. For years, Bernie's been the only Yankee I have liked. He just seems like the kind of guy who you could be at a cookout with, and when he gets up from the table, you could say, "Hey, Bernie, will you get me another beer?" He'd just smile and say, "Sure, man." Good guy. Probably.

Anyway, the fault here lies with the Red Sox, for not working harder to keep him around, and with Damon himself, for fleeing for greener pastures and greener pockets after spending the past few years EMBODYING the spirit and camaraderie of the Red Sox. Was it all an act?? Was the whole thing just a big facade (pronounced fuh-KAYD)?? He "wrote" a f'ing BOOK, for crying out loud!!! It was in his book deal that he couldn't shave his beard or cut his hair. Now he's wearing a pink bathrobe (seriously, take another look at that pink robe up there. it's hilarious and really sad at the same time. but mostly hilarious.) after getting a facial and probably a pedicure while he's at it?? Jesus! No, Judas!!

This was the email that I sent in response to Ilyssa's "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" the other day (and I stand by my thoughts and feelings at the time, as they have not changed in the past 2 days):

i know, this is pretty ridiculous. the worst part is, this is bringing out some bad qualities in me.

i'm hoping for abysmal numbers, run-ins with asshole new yorkers that might end up in front of a jury of his peers, a high profile divorce after his plastic wife (who joins juwanna kidd as the hot new york athlete's wife who probably is exerting more behind the scenes pressure to go to/stay in new york than we really know about) gets caught on video and posted on some amateur porn website screwing some B&T (no offense) dude after being dosed at some U2 after-party at park bar.

but really, i'm not bitter.

now i understand how bostonians felt when clemens left. i never did, until now. and i refused (and still refuse) to dislike clemens because of it, but i do understand.

I just don't know, man. We lose that crazy bastard Manny Ramirez and we're gonna be eating the shit we're already neck-deep in after losing Theo, Damon, Millar and Mueller. At least we got rid of Edgar "30 errors" Renteria.